The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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