This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
