Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
