i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
