Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
why is half of my head shaved?
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