Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
