Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Still dying that you shit outside
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
