if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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