1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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