"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
