After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
