after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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