dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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