i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
