what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
