I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She even gives head with a lisp.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
