I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
