OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
