I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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