My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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