Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize