respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
