3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
