just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
