I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
