If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
