I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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