yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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