I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
