I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
