God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
