We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
