My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
