Jerry, you need to find god
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
