9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
