There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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