he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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