barbara walters just said penis...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
