I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
