I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
