I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im holly from the hills drunk
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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