Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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