the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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