tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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