I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No subtext here. People are naked.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize