I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
