My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dear god my vagina.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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