You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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