are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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