Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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