When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
