I am in a vortex of obligation.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
