I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
