Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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