The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
