all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
