so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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