im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
