I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was like eating out sand paper
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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