Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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