party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
