Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize