Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize