What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
