Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
