there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
