the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
