so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
